I Am Pro-Teen Choice Awards: You knew I was going to follow up my mention of the “Choicies” a few weeks ago, didn't you? I mean, why shouldn't a magazine for adults care about the goings-on of youth culture? We need to know what to be scared of, don’t we? And what we should be scared of at the moment is Love You Like A Love Song, the Rihanna/J-Lo/Miley Cyrus hybridized single performed by Selena Gomez And The Scene at the awards. Selena who, you ask? She also won a slew of awards, including “hottest girl” – with her boyfriend Justin Bieber winning the male version of the prize. They locked the category down by touching a fan’s face and inflicting severe burns. And in case you’re wondering – Robert Pattinson got the Choice Vampire award, beating out Count Chocula by a small margin.

Gavin Degraw, A Hit: Singer Gavin Degraw was attacked in Manhattan by a gang of thugs, resulting in a broken nose and a concussion, among a host of bruises and scratches and a hazy memory of the event. This was not an assault in the vein of Moby's beating, who was once punched just for being Moby, but a random example of what happens if you’re out too late. I’ve never heard Gavin Degraw’s music and did not know who he was before this event happened, but I do wish him a speedy recovery, and then will return to never checking out his music or career.

Riots Aren't A Riot: The riots in England escalated this week, coinciding annoyingly with my family deciding to take a trip there. Now I have to give my parents tips on how to fight looters, and guess what? I am making these tips up as I go along. They will probably wind up getting my folks in a lot of trouble. My first tip was “loudly pass gas to indicate you are nervous and have a hard time digesting things." European riots happen somewhat regularly, and often seem to have some sort of intent behind them, unlike our recent riots in Vancouver. The sole intent of the Vancouver riots was to prove that some hippies carry beanbags filled with lead. Which I guess would make them ‘leadbags.' 

A tip, even if your name is not Mr. or Mrs. Flanagan: Check out these tackily cheeky t-shirts!