This week’s column is comin’ right at y’all from the illustrious, storied, busker-laden Just For Laughs festival in lovely “keep it” Mont-real. Let me tell you, I have not stopped laughing since my arrival here on a mule from Toronto — a trip that taught me to pay the extra money and take a Greyhound. Chuckles are abundant, as are foods that stretch the limits of the gastrointestinal tract. Just today I ate bagel poutine, a fictional food where the French fries are replaced with bagels bits. Bagels covered in gravy? Sign me up on *that* mailing list, thank you. Another delightful festival attribute is the sheer volume of mimes present, and you know what they say — when mimes are present, it is a present.

*Talkin’* Rapping Dylan Grandchild Blues: In the grand tradition of Aaron Spelling’s son, Tom Hanks’s spawn, and Hank Williams two through three, Bob Dylan’s grandson Pablo has entered the world of music, expressing himself specifically through hip-hop. This aspiring rap superstar knows his roots, calling his grandpappy “the Jay-Z of his time”, which is an accurate comparison, as Self Portrait and The Blueprint 2 are on an equal footing of badness. Plus Jay and Bob both changed their last name from Zimmerman.

Teens Choose Vampires: The Teen Choice Awards have bowed to the demands of their public, adding a new category to their deplorable show. That category: Choice Vampire. That’s right, several vampires will be nominated, but only one will be deemed choice. I’m not into this. First of all, there are only like four vampires in pop culture right now. Even the worst vampire will be nominated — and yes, I do mean Pete Doherty. 

Von D Takes A DUMP on Jesse James: Jesse James’s and Kat Von D’s storybook tale of love and redemption came to a crashing halt this past week, with D announcing their breakup via everyone’s source of news, Twitter. I’m not going to go ahead and guess that James cheated on KVD — I’ll go one further and bet you a million dollars that his infidelity is the reason their relations ended. The bad news: if I’m wrong, I cannot pay you, as I do not have that kind of money.