Team GB is making it harder for us to make fun of them. The home team now has six Gold medals and 18 in total. Even more distressing is their proficiency in canoe-related sports. That’s Canada’s shtick! What else is Britain going to take from us?

The Capitalists’ Republic of China has one more Gold medal than the United States of Chik-Fil-A. Somewhere in the darkest corner of hell, Richard Nixon is punching himself in the balls.

Canada still has only seven medals, and no Gold. This is good for the taxpayer but bad for patriotism. We’re proud of our medalists so far, but Team Canada could use some of America’s surplus chauvinism right about now.

1. The People’s Republic of China: 19 Gold, 11 Silver, 9 Bronze. Total: 39

2. The United States of America: 18 Gold, 9 Silver, 10 Bronze. Total: 37

3. Republic of Korea: 7 Gold, 2 Silver, 5 Bronze. Total: 14

27. Canada: 2 Silver, 5 Bronze. Total: 7

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