BRONZE: Belarusian Hammer Thrower Thrown Out for Doping

Three-time world champion hammer thrower Ivan Tsikhan got the boot from London when his samples from Athens 2004 were found to be positive. The IOC stores doping samples for eight years after each Olympics to allow for retests.

It’s a shame that Tsikhan had to tarnish what has so far been a seemingly clean and successful Games. But we want to know more about this sample storing — that’s a lot of piss! Where do they keep it? What happens if there’s a fire? And where do they put the samples after the eight-year probation period? TORO asks the serious questions when no one else will.

SILVER: Canadian Makes It to Shot Put Final

Dylan Armstrong has made it to the shot put final on a seventh place throw of 20.49 metres.

Many consider Armstrong Canada’s best hope for our first Gold of the Games. He was Number 1 in the world last year but has struggled this season, thanks to an elbow injury. Armstrong's toughest competition in the final will come from the Americans, all of whom already have Olympic medals.

The Canadian big man is a proven athlete, but his greatest accomplishment has to be getting us excited about a sport that hasn’t been relevant since ancient Greece.  

GOLD: British Cyclist Admits to Crashing on Purpose

Yesterday, Team GB won Gold in the men’s cycling team sprint, but they did so via suspect methods. During the qualifying session, British cyclist Philip Hindes crashed on purpose, prompting a restart.

In sprint cycling, a team is disqualified when a trailing rider passes a teammate. Hindes appeared to be having trouble with his wheel in the qualifying round and so threw himself off the track. According to the rules, a crash is considered a false start.

“I just crashed. I did it on purpose to get a restart…it was all planned really,” said the German born Hindes. Team GB officials claimed the comment was lost in translation, as a result of Hindes lack of fluency in English.

In other news, a Toronto man tore up a winning lottery ticket because he couldn’t deal with the pressure of wealth, and a 43-year-old truck driver from Moosejaw turned down sex with Natalie Portman because he “had to mow the lawn that night.”

Related >> Medal Count: Team GB Arrives, Canada Meh