Below, Daily TORO provides some updates concerning the ongoing Rob Ford crack cocaine scandal.

We might not get this video after all. Since last Thursday, Gawker has been supervising the Indiegogo Crackstarter, a crowdsourcing effort to raise the $200,000 necessary to purchase the alleged video of Rob Ford smoking crack from its anonymous owner. Unfortunately, it seems the owner has disintegrated into perpetual anonymity. Gawker has not been able to reach the man in question since Sunday.

"Our confidence that we can get a deal done has...diminished," wrote Editor John Cook.

The campaign has raised over $163,000. If it does not meet its goal by Monday afternoon, all the money will be refunded to its donors. If Gawker is successful in raising the funds, all proceeds will be donated to a Canadian substance abuse charity.

Why did the mayor fire his chief of staff? Yesterday, Ford fired his right hand man Mark Towhey over, well, nobody knows.

"I am no longer the chief of staff," Towhey said while being pressed by reporters in the City Hall parking lot. "I did not resign." 

Then, before driving off, Towhey said: "I’ve given the mayor my advice. He can choose to take it or not take it."

It's been rumoured that a rift between Ford and Towhey has been brewing for some time. The National Post claims that Towhey confronted Ford about his alleged alcohol problem, and the mayor took exception. The Star suggests Towhey wanted Ford to step down as mayor in the wake of his alleged crack abuse. But perhaps the tension between the two had simply grown unbearable after over two years of staff infighting and near constant scandals.

Ford's allies want answers too. According to the Star, the mayor's executive committee will soon release an extraordinary statement urging Ford to extensively address the crack-smoking allegations. Deputy Mayor Doug Holyday will sign the letter, as well as councillors Peter Milczyn, Jaye Robinson, and Gary Crawford.

"These members that are signing the letter urge the mayor to come out and make a comment to the media and to the public," said Holyday.

Should the mayor resign, Holyday would become Toronto's acting mayor. Council, however, would have the right to trigger another election, a fate that almost came to pass when Ford was embroiled in his conflict of interest case. 

Related >> Daily TORO: Watch Rob Ford Comment on the Crack Thing
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The only thing that hasn't been turned into a porno is probably The Littlest Hobo (fingers crossed), so we're not surprised to hear that Lena Dunham's Girls is getting the adult treatment.

Vulture is reporting that porn maven Richie Calhoun is directing This Ain't Girls XXX, a hardcore parody of HBO's already sex-laden television series.

The press release had this to say: "In the XXX parody, Hannah (Alex Chance) decides to forsake men, and boyfriend Adam, to experiment with lesbianism. After a few satisfying jaunts she returns to Adam — and mankind."

Sounds about right.

Dunham is not happy about the spoof, though. "I wish I had a better attitude about the Girls porn parody," she tweeted earlier today. "I really can never predict what will trouble me and it's simply exhausting."

Remember, Lena: Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery — especially when there are naked German midgets whipping each other with three-foot purple dildoes.

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According to the Toronto Star, Mayor Rob Ford has been dismissed as Don Bosco Catholic Secondary School's head football coach.

The firing comes amidst allegations that there exists a video in which Ford smokes crack cocaine and spews racial and homophobic slurs. Indeed, the Star claims that in the video, Ford refers to his football team as "just fucking minorities."

Toronto's Catholic school board claims that Ford is being removed principally for an "inaccurate" interview he conducted with Sun News. In the the interview, Ford says that many of his football players "come from gangs" and "broken homes."

Despite his controversial language, Ford seemed to enjoy interacting with the Don Bosco team and often cited his coaching as evidence of his dedication Toronto's less fortunate.

However, Ford critics are quick to note that the mayor's football team often eats into his working hours at City Hall. The mayor has also been accused of abusing his power to help the team, by way of demanding a working TTC bus to act as a team charter, for example.

Related >> Daily TORO: Late Night Takes on Rob Ford Crack Scandal
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As Paul Simon would say, these truly are the "days of lasers in the jungle."

According to something called the Washington Post, NASA wants to create a 3D printer that will generate meals. Yes, like the replicators from Star Trek.

Such an invention would allow humans to live on planets like Mars for long periods of time and would also benefit us insects here on Earth.

Texas-based Systems and Materials Research recently received a $125,000 grant from NASA to create a printer capable of creating "nutritious and flavourful" astro-grub.

NASA's current food system is "not adequate in nutrition or acceptability through the five-year shelf life required for a mission to Mars, or other long duration missions," spokesman David Steitz said in a statement.

One of the team's first realistic goals is to make a pizza. If only Rob Ford's crack tape could surface as easily.

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PBS has just announced that Season 2 of their James Beard award-winning series The Mind of a Chef will star chefs Sean Brock and April Bloomfield. You can watch the teaser below.

"It's our privilege to be working with two incredibly talented and driven chefs this season," said Executive Producer Chris Collins, via press release. "With Sean we plow headfirst into his world of true Southern cuisine — from long lost seeds and crops in the lowlands of South Carolina to rice fields in Senegal. April is marching us from the Pacific Northwest to Birmingham, England, tracing culinary tradition, instinct and obsession — from cops to curries to clams."

Brock is the executive chef and partner of McCrady's and Husk in Charleston, and a participant in the distinguished Cook It Raw event. Bloomfield is the executive chef and co-owner of New York's the Spotted Pig, the Breslin Bar and Dining Room, the John Dory Oyster Bar, and Salvation Taco.

Produced by Anthony Bourdain's Zero Point Zero Productions, The Mind of a Chef takes an intimate look at the inspiration and process of a given chef of note, with each episode tackling a specific theme. Season 1 focused on David Chang.

Season 2 of The Mind of a Chef premieres sometime in the Fall of 2013.

Related >> Talking To: Anthony Bourdain | Daily TORO: Watch David Chang Eat Astronaut Food