Oh, hi. How are you? Yeah, I know, it´s tough not getting to be as naked as often as Vanessa Hudgens does. As well, I´m sorry you saw Heidi Montag naked. Consider hitting yourself in the head in order to forget. Before you do that, let me hit you with this:

Brad Pitt is Godless & High: Gawker wrote a fun piece ( Read it) on Brad Pitt´s Bill Maher interview, which I didn´t watch, because I already see Brad Pitt´s face every time I look in a mirror (specifically, the fantasy mirror in my fantasy room). Mr. Pitt shared his joint-rolling strategies with the world´s favourite big-headed libertarian, although he claims to not indulge since having children. To quote that reggae song from the film Beetle Juice: “OK, I believe you.” I can´t believe that anybody with children is not high at all times – have you ever tried to deal with those wee sprites? They´re more tiring than the world´s biggest tire convention. And they drive you up the wall faster than the fastest anti-gravity car could ever hope to!

Just don´t hotbox your children. In the interview, he also claims to not believe in any type of God. That´s fair, unless you look like Brad Pitt. Then you should probably be very thankful to at least some higher power, even if it´s a plastic surgeon or the people whose sperm and ovum created you. How can this Nazi hunter "not see" the big picture?!? I´m offended, effendi. Comprendo, friendo?

Bob Dylan is Homeless & Rich: Proving that while only the good die young, the best get old weirdly, Bob Dylan was recently mistaken for a derelict while on tour. Wandering through a "low-income community," he was stopped by a couple of Generation-Y police, whose response after learning his name was to ask for his ID. The police had recently watched an episode of Clarissa Explains It All while having a "rainbow party" – two things that are much more fun to do than watch or be Bob Dylan in a 2009 Bob Dylan performance. He should have showed them a picture of Heath Ledger as the Joker and explained that Heath had pretended to be him in a movie – what is the Joker but an evil Bruce Springsteen in Insane Clown Posse makeup? Read about it

Dane Do It: Finally, it´s with a heavy heart that I direct you to yet another Gawker link – this time a NSFW but censored version of the Eric Dane, better known as McSteamy, nude drug romp ( Watch it) We all thought he was squeaky clean; it turns out he´s a total jacuzzi-abuser. Damn you, Hell-ywood!´

Nick Flanagan is a comedian, freelance writer and professional huggist. Write popculture@toromagazine.com with questions or comments, or check him out at twitter.com/xflansx.