I was desperate for something to watch last Monday night when I stumbled upon the king of all cheeseballs 9 p.m., on City: ABC´s ongoing, drawn-out, embarrassing, and flat-out ridiculous epic disasterpiece, The Bachelor.

The franchise is so well known that even haters can glibly relay its premise. The Bachelor, Jason Mesnick, attempts the mother of all multitasking by dating 25 women at once. All this in hopes of finding his soul mate in a veritable Shangri-La of group and individual dates ranging from helicopter and boat rides to one-on-one love-ins of hammock hanging and midnight picnics.

This is one of those shows that falls under the category of being so bad it’s good. No, really. You won´t be sorry. The Bachelor dishes out a maximum serving of reality TV lameness that´s equivalent to a full-on junk food binge-fest.

These are the obvious things. But what about the not-so-obvious things like where exactly the producers find these people? I was under the impression they were blown up robot dolls, with their only excuse for idiotic behaviour being that they were programmed by a sub-human force. How else could they be capable of emitting such bogus lines? "Right now I could see [Jason and I] having a family together," blubbers one bubblehead after knowing the guy all of five minutes.

It’s boggling my brain trying to determine what part of the show is the most cringe-inducing. Is it the moment of quietude where Mesnick agonizes over a slew of lame photographs in earnest deliberation over which bimbette to eliminate or is it the mind-numbingly drawn out rose ceremony that just has you inwardly crying of embarrassment for the poor lad?

Here´s a fun fact: out of the 13 installments of The Bachelor, only one pairing has ended in success (with soon-to-be pariah Mesnick´s outcome pending, of course). So, I contend, what the heck is the point? The justification here lies in this show´s value as mindless entertainment – a concept both vintage and necessary, and so fitting with the surge of people wanting to distract themselves in these tumultuous economic times.

- L.A. Famà, Toronto

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