THURSDAY MAY 25, 2017
 
Blog LETTERS TO LEVENSON
TOP COOLEST JOBS FOR GIRLFRIENDS
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Dear Levenson:  Does it matter what your girlfriend does for a living?  – Tom, Vaughan, ON

Dear Tom,

One of the biggest mistakes a person can make is allowing their career to define their lives. A job is just a place where you spend all of your time, that gives you the money that's absolutely mandatory to survive, and is what you think about all the time, everywhere in life, even in your dreams. Hardly matters.

You see, attraction isn't something that can be influenced by money, power, status, excitement, the respect and admiration of your peers, fame, gorgeous outfits, or Saint-Tropez, right on the water, totally private, join me in paradise. True love has no career ambition. And that's good, 'cause it's blind. Can't do anything anyway.

There are wonderful people involved in every pursuit other than real estate. And I've had relationships with dozens of different kinds of women. The only thing they all had in common is the name Katie. It's kind of my thing. Also made it easier to re-gift that novelty license plate I kept taking back. But if you find that you're repeatedly involving yourself with the same kind of person, you're missing out on one of life's great opportunities for learning and discovery, both of which are concepts important enough to have their own TV channel. Pay attention.

For example, dating a publicist is interesting if you were ever curious about the world of chain smoking. If you're just not that into cancer, try going out with someone who was raised in polygamy. Has nothing to do with cancer. Isn't even a job. But I bet it'd turn out nuts.

Hair stylists are amazing if you ever wanted to talk to someone who cares about crazy shit. Like hair.  Has no purpose except to make us look awesome or terrible. Thanks for that. 

But above all, the most overlooked kind of girlfriend is a garbage man. It's weird that some jobs have special girl words for them, like “actress” or “comedienne” or “doctorette.” I'd like to see the one they come up with for girl-based garbage men. Think this one might be a curveball. That's the first reason I'd like to go out with one. The second reason is because they don't exist. Everybody sees garbage men every day, but you've never seen a girl riding on the back of the truck – which is twice as insane when you realize it looks exactly like water skiing. You'd think one or two would've picked up on that and gotten into it. Point is, female garbage men are imaginary, and I already know how to talk to imaginary girlfriends. I know just what they like. Be quiet though, because mine is sleeping right now. She was working in the garden all day. You can meet her next time. For now, I think it's time for girls to shatter this glass ceiling, and then just leave it on the curb like it's not their job to clean it up. 

Levenson

 

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