I’m making progress! Judging by the noise complaints from my neighbours, I’m well on my way to becoming the World’s Greatest Lover (WGL). 

But no matter how much the neighbours stomp and wall-pound, I still have nagging questions like, ‘Am I really getting good in bed? Or is my girlfriend just pretending to enjoy it because (a) it’s all just an amazing dream, or (b) she’s an incredibly life-like hologram that I bought with my Mum’s birthday money?’
 
To get answers to these questions and more, I contacted Dr. Jennifer Landa, an Orlando-based “bioidentical hormone therapy pioneer.” She’s also the chief medical officer for something called BodyLogicMD, which, as far as I can tell, is a boner clinic for older guys with shitty diets. Most importantly, Dr. Landa wrote the upcoming (teehee) book called, The Sex Drive Solution for Women/coming-soon-the-sex-drive-solution/, to help “women and men balance their hormones, restore their energy, and replenish their sex lives.” 
 
I interviewed Dr. Landa by email since I was too lazy to call her. 
 
Dr. Landa, thanks for letting me pick your big brain. How do I become the World’s Greatest Lover? Do I have to sleep with everyone in the world?
 
My pleasure. Embarking on this noble quest will greatly improve your chances. Since there are as many lovemaking styles as people, to be the World's Greatest Lover you would need to be the most versatile lover on Earth to please as many different partners as possible. Becoming the WGL to your current girlfriend would probably be a more achievable quest and possibly more rewarding. As long as the target of your desires thinks [you’re the WGL], then that is probably all that counts. The fun part…even if there is room for improvement, that just means more "research" :)

What can I eat (herbs, vitamins, iguana stem cells?) to make me the WGL? 

1. Horny Goat Weed - yes, believe it or not, it has a Viagra-like effect and it was first noticed in a population of goats after eating the substance. It’s sold in health food stores.
2. L-arginine - 2-3 grams per day can enhance blood flow and improve erections.
3. Ginkgo biloba - used a lot in China for thousands of years, 200mg per day can help improve energy, alertness, libido and blood flow.

What are the three worst things a man can do in bed?

1. Go too fast. Almost no woman ever just wants to get pounded over and over by a jackhammer, especially not at the start. 
2. Skip the foreplay - disaster! I hear this complaint from women in my practice. Their men are ready to just go in for the kill right away but most women need some foreplay to get started.
3. Not take a hint. Be open to subtle clues that a woman is not enjoying herself. Ask her to show you how she likes it or where she likes to be touched best.
 
Oral sex: any simple tips on how to please my woman? 
 
The clitoris is much larger than the little nub under the hood that most men focus on. The clitoris actually has legs or crura which extend in an inverted V shape out from the bulb of the clitoris. These crura can be very sensitive when stimulated as well. Also try: 
 
1. Butterfly licks - gently flick your tongue back and forth over the clitoris 
2. Vaginal vacuum - very gentle sucking action [which also sounds useful for cleaning out untidy vaginas]
3. G spot massage - massage the G spot at the same time as kissing and licking the clitoris
4. Most important overall…start slow!!! Don’t go for the clitoris right away. Lick, kiss and suck all over the vagina, not just the clitoris as it is all very sensitive. 
 
If I drink lots of pineapple juice, will my sperm taste better?
 
It might…but there are no true scientific studies to back this up. It certainly couldn’t hurt!
 
My friend says there’s a drug called DMT. You smoke it like crack and she says it cures herpes. True or not true?
 
Not true, no scientific data that I can find. 

How do I tell if a woman’s faking an orgasm? 

When a woman has an orgasm, her pubococcygeus (PC) muscles contract. These muscles are a sling like structure at the base of the pelvis that surround the vagina and anus. This muscle is found in both men and women. The muscle contracts during orgasm. 

Depending on the strength of the muscle, when a woman has an orgasm, a man can usually feel the contractions of this muscle, which are rhythmic and repetitive during orgasm. Without these contractions, an orgasm would be quite dubious. Insertion of a finger into the vagina during the purported orgasm would be a more sensitive test. 

Thanks, doc! This has been a huge help. When I test out these tips, I’ll try not to shout out your name. 
 
Much appreciated.