We’re now over a week into the 2012 NHL Lockout with neither the owners nor players wavering in their demands. Bitching is omnipresent and corporations stand to lose billions in somebody else’s money if the collective bargaining agreement remains unresolved. But what about you, the fan? With all that cancelled hockey, you’re going to have a lot of time to think about things like shoveling snow, paying your taxes and hanging yourself with the $300 jersey you just bought. But let this not be the pre-season of your discontent. TORO provides you with a few ways to weather the NHL Lockout.

Watch A Sport That’s Actually Exciting

Hey Canada: Did you know that there’s another major league sport also played in the winter that doesn’t suck? It’s basketball, that sport that non-white people like! We know, watching a game where things actually happen will take some getting used to, but this basketball thing is the real deal. Witness the display of ubiquitous highlights, the scores exceeding 2-0, and players with names like Bismack Biyombo and Metta World Peace. Unlike its cold counterpart, the NBA actually settled its labour dispute last year — quickly and without tragedy. Even if you find basketball boring, at least she’s a reliable lover that won’t leave you with your pants down in the middle of winter.

Talk to That Girl Who Sleeps In Your Bed

We understand that listening to women and satisfying their needs is for Europeans, but this lockout could last a really long time. You’re going to need to keep yourself busy somehow. Who knows? Maybe if you do the laundry once in a while and take your girlfriend out to Wild Wing for dinner, she’ll return the favour in untold ways. According to this official scientific journal, hockey-fan sex actually went up during the 2004 lockout! So go ahead, spend more time with your girlfriend. And if your friends call you gay for taking interest in a woman, then they don't know what they're talking about. 

Take Up A Hobby

Hobbies kill time, relieve stress and add a whole new dimension to your identity. A hobby can make you forget about work, open your mind to new ways of thinking, and make you a more interesting person in social situations. We suggest smoking.

Find God

We once spoke to a priest standing alone on a street corner handing out pocket-sized copies of the New Testament. He told us that Eternal Salvation could be ours so long as we bought his monthly newsletter and came to his house once a week to make Holy Molasses. That’s certainly better than hockey. If you follow God on Twitter like we do, you’d know that he’s a pretty cool dude. Sure, he can get really angry sometimes and start earthquakes and condemn gay people to Hell, but we all have our faults. Remember that time you we’re so drunk that you made out with your older sister, barfed, and then made out with your younger sister? God didn’t judge you for that.

Rethink Your Life

Look, we all know how important hockey is to Canadians. There’s a certain ecclesiastical elation that’s triggered when the good guys score and the roar of 20,000 people refuses to let up, minutes, even hours after a puck crosses the goal line. But life goes on, as does hockey. In matters of loss, the only thing you can do is wait it out. Unless you’re a Leafs fan. In that case, we strongly suggest you consider the above.

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